friendship

When Carrie and her friends became the top rating television show Sex and the City, they put more than promiscuity on the map.

The show also put its finger on something complicated yet precious, an aspect of life that is important to all women, no matter who they are. Sex and the City talked about friendship.

Women love their friends, and that’s what made Carrie and her entourage so appealing. These girls firmly lived out the adage, “mates before dates”. They had the kind of friendship where you could call at any hour of the night to just chat, or have long, lazy lunches on the weekends.

But what is the essence of female friendship? Women think differently on this, which is where problems can happen.

Some see friendship as spending lots of time together. Things go well until your best friend gets a stressful job or – the death knell for this kind of friendship – The Boyfriend. Suddenly, time is scarce and your friend has a new priority in her life, causing jealousy and hurt.

Others base their friendship around common aspects of their lives, whether it’s having the same job, going to the same church or even just being at the same stage of life. Difficulties begin when one friend’s situation changes. It’s hard to keep hanging out with your girlfriends when they all like to stay up late on Sunday night after church and you need to be in bed early for that 7am start.

This is where Christian friendship is different from Sex and the City. In the show, friendship was based on fulfilling the need for companionship. Carrie’s best friend or “pseudo-boyfriend” was someone she had a connection with, who she could rely on and spend time with. Christian friendship mirrors some of this (minus the pseudo boyfriend part) and with more depth. It’s about putting your girlfriend’s needs first. It’s about thinking of what is best for her and encouraging her to be godly, the best way you can.

Often, this means doing things that come naturally, things like talking on the phone and celebrating each other’s joys. God has blessed us with the fun and laughter of female companionship. It makes life so rich and worth living.

But sometimes, putting your friend’s needs first is difficult, even painful.

It means forgiving her when she’s done something incredibly hurtful, or rebuking her when she is unrepentant in her sin – something any girl is loath to do.

It means putting a stop to unhelpful, manipulative behaviour. Taking those sobbing 11pm phone-calls can be loving, but not when you’re encouraging her to rely on you over Jesus. Going through a messy break-up for the 15th time might make her feel better, but it won’t help her to move on with her life.

It means encouraging her to spend time with her husband, even if you’re single and wish she had more time for you. On the other side, it means limit the “couple speak” (beginning every sentence with “Dave and I….”) and making sure you include her in the marriage, that you still make time for her.

It means supporting her when she has a baby and is too tired to cook, go out or clean the house. But it also means remembering to ask your friends without children how they’re going, rather than talking about breastfeeding all the time.

Being a good friend is about desiring her godliness over her company.
That is the kind of friend I want to have, and the kind I hope to be.

I thank God for the wonderful girlfriends in my life:)