By onlinesoph
How do you go about making life decisions? Sam and I are currently in the process of trying to decide a few things. I find the whole process frustrating because this is what happens in my head:
1. Pray for God’s guidance.
2. Canvas all the options. Think through the pros and cons.
3. Realise that all the “pros” for each option even out all the “cons”, like a perfectly balanced chemical equation.
4. Realise I can’t work out which pros matter most to me.
5. Start entire process again and repeat ad nauseum.
There’s a school of thought that says if the decision you’re trying to make isn’t an issue of right/wrong, then it doesn’t really matter what decision you make, so long as it’s one where you can live a God-honouring life. I can see the logic in that. And I think on a large scale, I like the premise of this thinking, that anything you do, provided it’s not in rebellion to Him, can be an act of worship.
But can God’s guidance be more specific than this, I wonder? If you choose option A, your life will be dramatically different compared to choosing option B. You will exercise different gifts. You will choose to let some areas of your life floruish and close doors to others. Does God have a preference as to which one you choose?
At this point, I go back to prayer for guidance, wisdom, knowledge, obedience and trust. In the past God has always answered my prayers for guidance. Sometimes it has been the imparting of wisdom, the ability to carefully determine the way forward. Sometimes it comes through the advice of others. One time it was a specific answer that came powerfully and unexpectedly. Either way, I trust that when I pray, God hears me and will answer in whatever way He sees fit.
Still, I would like to hear how other people go about making life decisions. Do you struggle with knowing what path to take? How do you decide which way to move forward?
June 25th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
I find making life decisions really exhausting. Just knocks me out for weeks, if not months. Then I have that horrible creepy feeling afterwards – ‘did we make the right decision’ ??!!
I found that with a few things, but decided that if God wanted us to be doing something else, it would become apparent.
I find it also helps if I pray for the options that we rejected that God would use those things for his glory, and raise up other people for those things etc depending on what the decision was about.
Thankfully I am married to a man of great integrity, who is wise in decision making for us, and sets up some boundaries and guidelines that help us as we prayerfully work things out. I wont write them here, but happy to fb email them to you if you would like.
June 25th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Amen Ruth! Decisions are exhausting.
I generally try to apply thepoints you mentioned Soph and talk it through with Michael. He is veyr wise and often has a very different perspective on things, which I find helpful when I get stuck between two good decisions.
June 25th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I really should spellcheck things before I post them! Sorry.
June 25th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
One thing that has helped me when I’m finding it hard to know which way to head (assuming both options are Godly choices) is to consider the negatives of all the options and try to get a feel for which one I dislike the least!
Also helps to have an idea of longer term goals for lifestyle, family, Christian walk etc and to make decisions in light of those (fairly obvious I guess).
And to imagine what life will be like under each set of circumstances and try to decide if you could live like that on a day to day level (will you get enough rest? What will the rhythym of the day be like, and does that sit well with your personality? Does something look good on paper but you just can’t see yourself doing it?)
And the big one – keep giving it to God, and wait! Something usually rises to the top.
June 25th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Also, giving up a little on the idea of making the ‘right’ decision – life is not set in stone and you can’t control the outcomes of decisions that much in the long run.
June 25th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Wow, so fast!
Thanks Ruth – never thought to pray for the option I rejected! It would be great to hear AB’s guidelines. I will FB email you for them some time soon.
Bonnie, I agree two heads can be better than one. Sam is also wise. Sometimes though I am tempted to say, “you just decide for us!” I hate making decisions.
Alison, I think we are very similar in the way we make decisions, because that’s exactly what I do! The decisions we are facing at the moment aren’t right/wrong, both are godly choices. I think I need to work out longer term goals and go backwards from there.
June 25th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Hey Soph,
Good post. There is one book on my bookshelf that I refer back to time and time again.. ‘Guidance and the Voice of God’ By P Jensen & T Payne.
You’ve most probably read it.
It has so helped shape the way I make decisions, categorising them in helpful ways (as has already been mentioned).
June 25th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
My big issue for me when Andrew and I were both studying at MTC was how much study I should do. Just one year, or keep going on for 2 or 3 or 4. And if I stop studying, should I go back to work or have kids or try my hand at paid ministry… After doing the pros and cons lists we found that all were good options. In the end I just picked the one I wanted to do the most. Maybe pray that God would make you more excited about one and trust him and go for it.
I really hate decision making too. But maybe it’s because I think I matter more than I really do. God will use me whatever and sort out any mistakes I make.
June 25th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
Christine, I have read that book, but ages ago. How has it helped you? I’ll have to revisit it soon.
Simone, I like how you just picked the one you wanted to do the most. Also just wanted to add that while typing this, hubby is learning how to play his newly acquired bass to “Never Alone”.
June 26th, 2009 at 1:00 am
On a tangent…
I started uni doing a Social Work and Arts degree. When I hit second year, it became quite clear that social work wasn’t for me but I felt uncertain about dropping it and doing a straight Arts degree.
I thought about it for ages. I talked to heaps of people about it.
I said to God, “I don’t know what to do. I’m gonna flip a coin. Heads I stay in social work. Tails I don’t”.
I flipped. Got heads. Thought, “What the?? I’m flipping again!”
Got heads again. Thought, “Stuff this! I’m dropping Social Work!”
My point being: sometimes you make a decision, and then it becomes quite clear what your heart desires (in my case, an Arts degree!).
June 26th, 2009 at 8:02 am
hehe, elsie I like that story…
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:33 am
3 times in my life I’ve had dreams about certain decisions that make the choice clear. They’re great!
The rest of the time I tend to obssess for a few days/ weeks until I finally remember to commit it & myself to God, not just send up arrow prayers. Then I tend to give up thinking about it, leaving it to God & focusing on him not the decision. He generally makes the answer clear in the course of events by opening or closing doors. Not very scientific & at times not very Godly, I’m afraid.
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:38 am
Isaiah 30:18
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!
Wait for the Lord & I love the song – “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength…”