the fountainside.

I’ve gone two dress sizes up since having a baby.

I know this shouldn’t bother me (inner beauty being more important and all that) but it does, just a teensy weensy little bit. I miss wearing my old clothes. I’m frustrated at how everything is, well, to put it delicately, a different shape. Even if I were to diet madly and get back to my original weight, I doubt I’ll ever really look the way that I used to. This makes me feel somewhat nostalgic, like maybe I should have done more with my pre-baby body (though exactly what, I don’t know) or at the very least, been more satisfied with it.

Some people are quick to reassure me when I say I’m going to the gym to lose my baby weight, in manner of “but you look fine”  or “that’s the last thing that should be on your mind”. Don’t get me wrong; I am proud of my body and what it has accomplished. It’s pretty amazing how God changes the female body so it is equipped to carry a baby to full term and nourish it during the early months of life. Stretch marks aren’t so bad when you take that perspective. If I never got back down to my original weight, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.

But I still think it’s good for people to be given freedom to voice their feelings, even they sound a tad superficial.  It’s okay to say, “I’m x kilos heavier than I used to be and it sucks” or to diverge from the weight issue, to say “I wish I had more time to wax my eyebrows and shave my legs”. Really, who doesn’t feel better about their day after putting on a nice dress and a bit of lippy?

I have lots of little highlights in my week, one of them being the monday morning quiz on Ben’s blog. Today one of his questions was “describe your morning routine from waking up to being ready”. My answer was so long I decided to put it here instead. Yes, I think my life is that fascinating.

Our morning routine is complicated by two major factors: a three month old baby who has yet to sleep through the night and a hot water system that only allows for a 7 minute shower, yet takes 30 minutes to heat up. So our mornings will usually go like this:

* Have the “how many times did Nathan wake up last night” conversation with Sam in bed. My mood will often depend on the answer to this question, as it’s hard not to feel like you “succeeded” at parenting if the baby sleeps well and “failed” when he doesn’t. This is closely followed by the “who will have the first shower” conversation. There are pros and cons to going first. Pro – you’re less likely to end up running out of hot water. Con – you miss out on that delicious extra 7-minute snooze in bed.
* Tag-team shower, clothes, make-up (that’s just me), hair product (that’s just Sam) with nappy change, getting Nathan up, etc. This takes 40 minutes in total if you factor in our hot water system heating up. If Sam has an early start or is on music for church, it means showering at break-neck speed while Nathan cries in his cot.
* Morning coffee. Sam always makes us flat whites first thing in the morning. It’s my favourite part of the day. I sit the baby on my lap and check the news headlines on the computer while he does his barista thing, then we chat and sip away as the morning sun streams through the window. Nathan happily amuses himself on the floor by sucking his fists. Breakfast is Wheetbix or toast if in a hurry, oatmeal with bananas if we have time to spare.

“The more genuine and deeper our community becomes, the more will everything else between us recede, the more clearly and purely will Jesus Christ and his work become the one and only thing that is vital between us. We have one another only through Christ, but through Christ we do have one another, wholly, and for all eternity.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

I think I was twelve when I started reading the Tomorrow When The War Began series. It was the first “adult” book I read (definitely the first book I’d read that had a sex scene in it) and I remember being quite addicted to the series, along with everyone else in my class.

I’m quite keen to see the movie, despite being a little fearful that it won’t do the book justice. I wouldn’t have picked Rachel from Neighbours as Ellie, but she looks pretty tough in the poster!

There is a lot of death and sadness happening at the moment amongst people I know. It is heartbreaking stuff.

I hate death. I hate its finality. I hate the separation it brings. I hate that it has become our destiny. I also used to be very afraid of death as a child – not my own, but the death of those I love. To be honest, I’m still afraid of death sometimes. But I cling to this promise with all my heart:

“The saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

1. Get leftover rice from the fridge.
2. Dump in frypan.
3. Tip any/all of the following on it – a cracked egg, soy sauce, oyster sauce, frozen peas, chilli sauce, mayonnaise.
4. Heat rice on stove for as long as an unsettled baby will allow.
5. Scoff.

I was listening to the ABC a while ago and a short news story came up about the “Australian Christian Values Checklist” for the 2010 Federal Election, as listed below. According to the document, it assists people who want to make a Christian-values based vote.

As Simone pointed out in this post, the list seems disproportionately weighted towards matters of sex and silent on other issues the Bible speaks loud and clear on, issues like looking after the oppressed, foreigners and the poor. It also assumes Christians will all agree on certain social solutions, such as “abstinence based rehabilitation” for drug addiction What about the Wayside Chapel’s safe injecting rooms? It also assumes that you can’t follow Christ and vote left wing, even though there are a number of Christians – myself included – who do.

Anyway, Steve wrote a really good critique of Christian lobby groups which says what I think better than I could. I found this article by John Dickson an interesting read on Christians voting in the election. I liked these bits:

“Christians should be willing to change voting patterns after Christian reflection on particular policies. A believer who cannot imagine voting for the ”other side” has either determined that only one party aligns with the will of God or, more likely, is more attached to their cultural context than to the wisdom of scripture. Voting patterns, of believers or otherwise, are sometimes based on little more than family heritage or geography. This is unreflective and sub-Christian. Equally inadequate is voting for a candidate simply because he or she is a Christian. This is religious favouritism. Having Christians in Parliament is no guarantee – or even indicator – that our nation will be marked by peace, justice, compassion and truth.”

“a Christian vote is a vote for others. It is basic to the Christian outlook that life is to be devoted to the good of others before ourselves. In the political realm, Christians should use whatever influence they have to contribute to others, to ”consider others better” than themselves.”

Ok, so I bought a copy of the Windows 7 upgrade from the ‘it’s not cheating‘ website. However, I had some problems downloading the file I purchased, so I used the customer support part of the website to ask for some help with downloading. Here’s the response I got:

Dear Sam Russell,

Sincerely,
Rex C.
It’s not Cheating online store
Customer Service
studentoffice.au@digitalriver.com
Email ID: 15803712

So the section of the company devoted to helping people with download issues can’t help someone with a download issue. Useless. This is why the world is moving to Mac.

I make lists for almost every aspect of my life: meals I’m going to cook for the week, books I want to read for the month, ministries I plan to be involved in for the year. Often I’ll have at least two or three going at the same time, scribbled on post-its, in ridiculously tiny notebooks, on scraps of paper stuck on the fridge.

One downside of being an avid list-maker is the sense of expectation it creates. I still remember the to-do list I wrote the first week I came home from hospital with baby Nathan. Sort out Medicare stuff. Book doctors appointment. Write thank you notes. Do three loads of washing. Clean out linen cupboard. I think the only task I accomplished was writing my name on the Medicare form. That left a glaring list of uncrossed items on the page, accusing me of wasting the day away.

I’ve discovered that it’s far easier to lower your expectations than try to meet some arbitrary standard of productivity. So these days, my lists are far more kind, with tasks that are easily completed (put letter in post), tasks to look forward to (have a cup of green tea) and token items I put down just so I can cross them off and tip the crossed/uncrossed ratio in my favour (eat breakfast). It’s a good system I have going. I get the sense of achievement that comes from a finished list without having to achieve very much at all.

Lots has happened since I’ve last posted, the main event being the birth of our son Nathan Hao-En Russell. Nathan means “God gives”, Hao-En means “Abundant Grace”. Our boy was over 4kgs when he was born three weeks ago (big!) and is growing more and more delightful every day.

Life with Nathan is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. Every day I’m humbled by how incapable I am without the strength and power that God provides. I’ll be taking a short break from blogging until we find our sea legs in this new world of nappies, breast-feeding and 3am wake-up calls. If you want to see more pictures of our boy, feel free to befriend me (Sophia) on facebook where I’ve posted a few